The romances in the workplace are very common, and stepping in this area is like walking through a minefield. But despite the risks, more than one prefers to give way to romance at work. What often begins with a peek through the halls of the office, may end in something more serious. But once you pass the initial euphoria, there is always the question: how to deal with the company, to colleagues and superiors? And it is a question with a lot of sense, and to separate the personal life career is often a challenge that requires a lot of intelligence for everyone.
Over time we all went in the workplace is likely that the blossoming romance ended. According to a survey by the American sexologist Shere Hite (author of “Sex & Business”) among 790 professionals in the U.S. and Europe, seven in ten men, and six out of ten women had some affair with a coworker. “The proximity allows people to live together within the company with its joys and disappointments, and at that time who is there is a colleague. Over time becomes natural to see with different eyes, different professionals,” says psychologist Alexandre Bez.
But when the relationship is already established it is necessary to deal with sensitive issues, for example decide whether to keep the secret romnace, or be very careful that the relationship does not interfere with their work productivity. Or, if the feeling is not reciprocal, namely addressing the coup without trauma to the self-esteem. Here, experts give tips for handling the situation quietly, without losing balance or emotional danger to the charge.
1. Before taking the first step
Before betting on a relationship and declare their attraction to a co-worker, talk to your heart if you’re feeling is really love, attraction, affection or just a product of some deficiency sensitive personal situation for which you are going through. “Try to be discreet and attentive to their reactions when near the person in question, to clarify whether their feelings are real or just is being exposed unnecessarily,” suggests psychologist Bez.
2. How can we know if the feeling is mutual?
For the psychologist Tania Vieira, the best option to resolve a case in point is talk, never keep it for himself. “As long as people keep quiet their feelings, more create expectations, if they are not matched, the person will become very frustrated.” The specialist suggested a frank and keep quiet so that no one hopes in vain to discover if the other party shares these sentiments. The venue will depend on the responsiveness of the other, but the ideal is to avoid the subject in the office or workplace. The whole situation requires strength of character, but whatever the response is always easier to face reality. “Sometimes we do not show our feelings for fear of hearing a negative, when in fact the ‘no’ we already have, and if it comes it will be excellent,” said Vieira.
3. Dealing with the “no”
The solution we are the experts is to accept the refusal of the other and move forward. The secret is no longer powered disappointment. “Loaded with feelings of rejection, resentment or desire for revenge can become an obsession and lead to other serious diseases such as depression, all of which impair their job performance and his private life,” says psychologist Vieira.
4. What if the answer is “yes”?
When reception is good and the romance takes off, experts are unanimous: we must take the relationship public. “The first step is to talk to the supervisor and then with the companions, and avoiding gossip and rumors,” says HR consultant Carlos Pessoa, vice-president of Labour Relations and Trade Unions of the Brazilian Association of Human Resources ( ABRHl).
5. But what if the company prohibits the romances between colleagues?
In most countries of America, the prohibition of romances is a provision of the company, not the national labor legislation. Even labor rights experts say that companies have the right to demand a copy of their professional conduct while in their workplace. Some companies, however, prohibit the hiring of spouses or relatives of employees, but that policy would be legally questionable and even discriminatory. What companies can prevent inappropriate behaviors are in the workplace, both among colleagues and between intimate partners. To avoid friction, it is best that those who maintain a romance are kept separate in the work environment.
Fernanda, executive secretary of a bank, he felt firsthand the restrictions imposed on the company personnel to fall in love with a subordinate. Fernanda recalls that kept the discretion, but did not conceal their romance, and only when they went to work with their engagement ring romance became public. Given this fact, their manager called the couple to a conversation and asked one of them asked to be transferred to another area of the company, because it was consistent with the romances between staff. As Fernanda had higher office, her then-boyfriend asked for the transfer. After the couple married and divorced, clarifies Fernanda.
6. What if your loved one is your boss?
According to the specialist Carlos , when the relationship involves staff from different hierarchical levels requires caution. “There are a lot of prejudice in relation to this issue, generally co-workers and other superiors did not look kindly upon a romance between boss and subordinate, more than one believes that a relationship is concerned by the latter, which aims climb in the company through seduction, “he warns. In this case, the best option is to give a break to make sure that the romance is serious, and only then examined whether it is worth making it public.
7. When the relationship affects the professional performance
Think fast: do you ever failed to deliver a job after a fight with his colleague and partner? Do you spend much time chatting with him or her? Is it discouraged when your love miss work for a few days? If the answer was “yes” to any of the above questions, review your habits. • The romance may hinder productivity: when those involved spend much time trying to monitor what the other by sending text messages and leaving the work priorities in the background. In such cases, consulted experts say it is best to separate the pair in different areas to avoid devolution. If that does not solve the problem, it is best to get another job.
8. What if the romance ends?
Connoisseurs of corporate dynamics ensure that the couple should understand that the romance ends, but life in the office remains identical. Maintain a friendly atmosphere, even if it costs suggests the psychologist Alexandre Bez, who recalls that it is common for one of the former lovers to roll put malicious rumors against his former partner, all by resentment. “If you were bills pending bill your ex, face it and resolve their differences, because if does not put an end to the situation all that drama enrarecerá moved and the work environment, he concludes.